FORTYNINE.

i realised that i can't do this on my own.
i realised that i can't forget.
i realised that i will never be the same again.
i realised...

the wounds i have just can't be healed. when i thought it's gone, it just comes back again, haunting me again and again till i break down. i've been crying so much again. idk why. whenever i'm alone, my eyes just tear and it will keep flowing and flowing. i don't know how to stop them anymore. i cry over little things. i get angry over minor things. what's wrong with me? all i need is just somebody to chide me and boom! there i go, exploding, shouting. i can't control this. i can't help it. i got so tensed up on fri night that i just keep digging my nails into my flesh. i didn't know what was happening. i didn't even know i was hurting myself. i couldn't feel anything. when i calmed down, and stared at my arms and palms, i thought. what have i done to myself? what have i done?

i know i can't go on living like this.
but what can i do?
i've done my best to change.
i've done my best to occupy my mind with something.
but everytime i do,
it all just keeps flooding back to me.
i don't want to be hurt any longer...
i need to let go of the past.
i need to do that...
i need to...