FIFTYTHREE. thoughts

was just thinking about stuffs, and i thought, hey, my life is something special and unique. though my daily routine is just about the same as anyone else, with hardly anything exciting or special happening, but i thought, even though it's so normal to anybody else, it's still really special to me. you see, not eveyone in this world have gone through the same experiences as me, not everyone has met the same people as me.


in my life, there are so many ups and downs. not everyone has the same problems. all of us each have our own problems to go through, some might be lucky, while others might have even more serious situations to solve. some don't even have the support system to go through their lives. i'm already considered very very lucky.


after that incident, i thought my life was over. all the innocence in me have disappeared. maybe God's watching over me? i don't know. at least i have something that's important and personal to me. at least i still have that. even so, it was so hard to let go of the fact that it nearly happened. even so, i had realised that there are people out there who truly care for me and love me. yes, because of this, i know how much my family cares. because of this, i found true friendship with not one, not two, but FIVE wonderful girls. i actually thought that they will look down on me because of what had happen. i was so very wrong. they're still there by my side, probably closer than ever because of this. i thought there was no love in this world. i thought wrong. for the first time, i experienced true love. though it's not from a guy, i'm not disappointed. how many people in this world have experienced that first hand?


all these made me realise one thing. i'm lucky. i wasted so much time and tears just thinking of what happened. what for? all these don't change anything. time can't be turned back. whatever happened, happened. i can't change the past. why wallow in self pity? why think that i can't go through this? if i don't pick myself up, nobody else can. i already brought so much trouble to so many people. no more. no more worrying, no more crying over this. i'm going to let go. yes, i am. though sometimes i still feel like screaming in frustration, but it's gonna get better. yes, it is. wounds will heal. i must get rid of the footprints you left in my heart. it's goodbye.